found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
