someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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