wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
