I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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