Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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