just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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