I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
