I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
