I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
