i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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