I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
