you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
