I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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