I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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