Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
