Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
