did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
