Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I need a hoe opinion
go on
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
