3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
