We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
