You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize