the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
