Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Dignity is for republicans.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
