dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
