I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
