Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
