my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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