My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
