I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
