I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
