Whatcha textin bout Willis?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
