It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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