I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
