I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
