i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
