I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize