i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
