She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
