apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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