he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
