there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
