I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize