If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
