Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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