i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
