I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
