I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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