he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The power of my boobs compel you
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
