I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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