god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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