he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
