If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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