I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
