i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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