i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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