Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
