Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
