Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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