at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
