Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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