she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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